


Who I Used To Be.

by Cupping_Cakes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alexandria Safe-Zone, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Beth Lives, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Ficlet, Older Man/Younger Woman, Sadness, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, ZA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 02:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7201604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cupping_Cakes/pseuds/Cupping_Cakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She thinks about running off sometimes.</p><p>Finding somewhere away from the past.</p><p>Away from who she used to be and the memories she cries thinking about sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who I Used To Be.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one shot for now but, I might make this longer in the future I don't know.
> 
> Review please???
> 
> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

The first weeks are the hardest. 

Trying to pretend everything's just fine.

Trying to hide the break downs.

The anger.

Rage.

It hasn't been the same since Grady.

 _She_ hasn't been the same since Grady.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

It's hard to smile and pretend she's still the same sweet Beth Greene everyone knew before.

Because they don't understand.

They don't know how much it hurts to smile.

How it feels being here after.........

She can hear them. Talking, about Alexandria, Supplies, _Her._

How she's "happy" doing well. How she survived. Something she thinks they tell themselves so they can believe that everything will go back to the way it used to be before but, the question is would She?

But she doesn't feel like it will.

She feels like the walkers sometimes.

_Walking dead._

\----------------------------------------------------------------

She thinks about running off sometimes.

Finding somewhere away from the past.

Away from who she used to be and the memories she cries thinking about sometimes.

But running never settled anything.

Running hadn't saved them all this time.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

She's sitting on the porch railing denim clad legs slung over either side.

Slender fingers plucking at pieces of wood in the painted surface.

"Beth."

Her eyes snap up suddenly hearing her name when she sees him.

He's a ghost of her past.

Someone that watched her "die" that day.

But here she is, here _they_ are.

"Hey Rick," she says, looking down toward the wood once more and not meeting his gaze.

"You okay?"

She nods. Short, soft, but she doesn't believe it.

How can she just be fine after everything?

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Just fucking smile and pretend she doesn't cry herself to sleep most nights.

Pretend she doesn't want to feel alive again like she used to before.

Just feel _happy_ instead of this.

She feels his hand on her shoulder.

She can feel his warmth through her shirt.

The warmth on her skin.

Something she's still getting used to again, but, she doesn't push away or drop off the railing like she did in the first few days she'd come back.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

She just sits there.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, Yeah, I'm sure," she says, finally meeting his gaze.

Icy blue eyes staring back at her and looking at her like he used to before Grady.

Before he turns and walks away, leaving her there.

Giving her space.

Even though she knows he's right there.

Right there in the shadows watching over her like he always has.

For the first time she smiles, laughing softly in a whisper knowing he's there.

Knowing she's not out here alone and she doesn't have to be if she doesn't want to be tonight.


End file.
